I'm not making this up...

Normally when I’m waiting to see my doctor, I zone out by watching Ace Ventura on my iPod. But today I decided to fly solo, since it’s always a hassle to have things in your pocket at the chiropractor. As soon as I sign in, an older eccentric lady walks in making some dum (dum is the superlative of dumb) joke to the lady behind the counter. Immediately a social red flag goes off in my mind. This lady looks talkative (and freaking crazy) and I’m the only one in the waiting area. While she continues to talk to the nurse at a speed that was unintelligible, I ease my way into a seat (all quite like). Maybe she’s like a dinosaur, if I don’t move she won’t see me. I’m not sure what they were talking about, but all of a sudden her head turns to look at me so fast, that it may not have been attached. In a matter of seconds she is upon me. Her eyes are completely open and she’s grinning like she just got Bingo. “SHAKE MY HAND! Shake my hand to see how strong my grip is!” Now I’m looking at an open out stretched hand pointed right at me. Shaking her hand was about as appealing as putting my fingers into a blender, and I’m thinking “Well… I could say I have AIDS, but I don’t think that will stop her”. With a fake smile I reached into her hand, much like I would reach into a snake’s nest. She takes hold of my hand and after about 2sec squeezes as hard as she possibly can with out losing her bowels. “Wow, that’s a pretty strong grip you have there, you could probably beat me in arm wrestling”. Note to self: don’t make sarcastic offers to crazy people. “REALLY? Let’s go right here!!!” she runs over to the seat next to me and begins to sit down. “I’m afraid I was just kidding…I don’t really want to arm wrestle you”. At this point even the nurse is starting to lose it. Then it seemed like her caffeine pills kicked in as she started to talk to me. “I’m 60 years old; wanna know what my secret is?” (I’m thinking “testosterone pills?”) “I PLAY THE PIANO at church, that’s how my HANDS are SO strong”. I was hopeful that she would have an overactive bladder that would kick in, but instead she belabored me with her church anecdotes. They typically had to do with an old guy that always flirted with her. Since he was hard of hearing, he would say things so loud that everyone would turn around and look. Right before my head imploded, I was called to see the doctor.