I Love Florida

I don’t understand why people will complain about this heavenly Florida weather. You could not beat this weather with a stick. I hear people talk about the sweltering heat, and I always think: “Well heres a news flash: We're 1700 miles from the equator! Put your finger on Florida and trace around the globe… know where you end up? THE SAHARA DESERT! And don’t tell me that the humidity in Florida is so much worse than other places in the south, because it’s not. Hot, humid air is delicious… inhaling it is much like pulling a warm blanket over your lungs. Shorts, sandals, sun glasses, and sweat resistant hair wax is all one needs for this delightful oasis of sunshine. When the bane of my existence comes around (a.k.a “Winter”) I hear people talk about how much they love the cold weather. Meanwhile blisteringly cold wind is trying to gouge my eyes out, and burn though my skin with the heat of a thousand suns. Fortunately I have foreseen this potentially horrible turn of events and protected myself with a layer of non-wind-permeable material. I think the root of this cancerous attitude is because of weathermen propaganda. Listening to your local news channel you might hear something that goes a little like this:

Susan (the anchor): So tell me Jim…when are….we going to get some cooler weather? With this much makeup, direct sunlight will bake my face like it’s in a kiln.

Jim (the weatherman): I’m sorry Susan… tomorrow is going to be so hot, we here at channel 7 predict that inanimate objects like rocks and even water might explode into flames.

Susan: Isn’t there anything you can do Jim?

Jim: Well Susan I do have an Ace up my sleeve… it’s a low pressure system I’ve been hanging onto, that I might try to pull down.

That reminds me of how much I dislike weathermen who feel that they have some innate control over the weather.

P.S. Got a new car… will post up the goods later. Also starting up a picture blog as well.