Teh Beby

Last night at the Kingdom Hall I came back to my seat and sat next to my father. Also sitting next to him was my sister who was holding a very small baby. Immediately distracted by the dainty little devil, I reached over my dad and started petting her head. My sister asked me: “do you want to hold her right now?” I said: “yea, sure I can hold her, yea bring her on”. The next thing I know Jenna lifts her up in the air towards me. I’m thinking: “OH good grief! I didn’t mean right now! Wait I’m not ready!” then her giant unsupported head starts rolling backwards like its going to come off. I mean, talk about disproportionate… there’s no way her tiny little neck can support this mammoth head that’s attached. Well anyway, I grab the baby and set her in my lap. My arms are so long that it’s almost like she’s lying in her cradle… except less comfy since I work out. Once I’m holding her she looks up and grabs my chin, and im thinking: “oh, she sooo cute….wait… yea…her hands are wet”. Finally she lets me go which is good, because my face is pretty rugged and it probably isn’t good for her delicate skin. I start making faces to her like “Crazy Eyes” and “Super-Excited ADD Kid”, but that was only entertaining for about 8sec. After that she was like “wow your face is...boring…the ceiling is much more interesting to look at”. After about 10min minutes she falls asleep, and I start having an inter-monologue with my arm: “Look, I don’t know how to say this but…this is extraordinarily painful”. “Well what can I do… SHES SLEEPING!” “well…how about RELAXING YOUR ARM!” After I relaxed my arm the throbbing pain went away…just whished I would have thought of that to begin with. Then out of no where my dad starts to itch his leg like he has 100 ants crawling up his pant leg, but as he does he’s bumping into me. So now I’m sitting next to a restless oxen and I’m like: “DAD! Take it easy, cant you see I have a small child…you…brut?!” After a while she started to bake in her little green blanket, so I took a napkin and made a baby sweat nap for her to keep her dry. About that time Jenna wants the little one back…and I said: “No you can’t have her…obviously she likes me more”, “what are you talking about? She doesn’t like you; all you are is a set of arms to her…nothing more” the I retorted “she’s BEEN looking for someone new to hold her…and it looks like the search is OVER!” Once verbally defeated she just lashed out at me with “Your just a baby hog!” that was when my dad interjected with “SHH!” I’m not sure, but I think at that moment he realized how King Solomon must have felt.